


Big Brother

by Annie46fic



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-02
Updated: 2011-07-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 23:05:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie46fic/pseuds/Annie46fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On his summer break from Art College – 21 year old Jensen Ackles is asked to be a ‘Big Brother’ to a troubled young boy. Jensen goes to camp with good intentions but instead finds out that his ‘charge’ is not at all what he expected! Jared Padalecki is troubled enough but he is anything but a boy – he sends Jensen mixed messages and Jensen tries to resist temptation. Can he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story is set over a period of 10 years.

Summer 1999

“See ya next semester. Ackles.” Chris Kane slaps his best friend on the shoulder and slings his bag over his shoulder. “Have a good time at bible camp.”.

Jensen smiles, good naturedly. “It isn’t bible camp, Kane. It is just a summer camp for young people who haven’t had the best start in life.” He picks up his own bag, groaning under the weight.

“And you...” Chris grins and holds back giggles. “Are gonna be – what? A big brother? Oh! Man, if I only had the time. I would love to see that.”

Jensen gives his friend a brief hug, knowing that he is being teased. Chris squeezes his arm one last time and they part, stepping out into the bright morning sunshine, both of them ready to start their summers.

****

Jensen stands in the toy shop and cocks his head on one side. He has been at camp these past two years and he knows that the boys that go there are lacking in everything. He knows they don’t have much and he has seen how much they appreciate gifts. It is his first time as a big brother and he wants everything to be perfect.

Finally he chooses a soccer ball, made out of real leather, and a huge fire truck, bright red and with real flashing lights. Jensen had one when he was twelve and he loved it.

****

His momma gives him a scarf, despite the fact that it is nearly ninety degrees in the shade, and he takes it stuffing it into his bag and smiling at her biting back the urge to remind her that he is twenty one not ten.

“Take care, baby.” His momma hands him a lunch box which feels heavy and smells divine. “Don’t forget to write.”

Jensen hugs her and kisses her and, with some relief, climbs onto the bus. His friends, Misha and Steve, tease him good naturedly and he grins taking his seat at the back of the bus with them and waving to his momma out of the window, free at last.

The camp is set right in the middle of the woods, forty miles out of town. It has new and smart wooden cabins big enough to hold up to ten and there is a tennis court, a pool room and a huge dining hall. The camp is also situated right on the edge of a lake which means there is a lot of swimming, sailing and diving taking place.

Father Morgan, who likes to be known as Jeff, greets them with smiles and hugs. Jensen, Steve and Misha are all going to be big brothers and they are all three of them excited although Steve in an effort to appear big and butch refuses to show it.

There are a group of young boys sitting on the grass, quiet and well-behaved, wearing shorts and t-shirts, some of them already with dirty knees, freckled faces and sticky-up hair. Jensen thinks they look angelic and he wonders which boy he will have to mentor, to take care of. He clutches his gifts awkwardly but notices that Misha has bought a kite and Steve a spare guitar.

Foolishly that makes him feel better.

“Ok guys.” Father Jeff begins to reel off names. He is tall and his hair and beard are peppered with silver, his eyes kind, his manner firm. Jensen idolizes him and realizes that, without him, these boys would have little or nothing in their lives.

Jensen has zoned out when he hears his name and he shakes his head realizing, with a jolt, that all the big brothers seem to have a boy under their charge.

“Jensen,” Jeff’s voice is full of amusement, “listen, I know that you expected someone younger but I figured you would be the best person to look after this guy.” He paused and then he cupped his hands around his mouth and let out a loud bellow. “JARED!” He shouted. “Get out here.”

There was a long pause and then a rustling and Jensen sees a long, thin figure slinking out of the trees. He swallowed hard as he took in the young man’s skinny build, his shabby t-shirt and ripped denim shorts, knobbly knees and bruised calves showing beneath them.

The young man’s face was slim, his cheekbones prominent, his nose tip-tilted, his mouth wide and sullen. His eyes were slanting, like a tom cats and they seemed to shift colors from grey to green to blue and back again.

He is taller than Jensen, his big hands hanging loose from skinny wrists. He doesn’t look at Jensen, his eyes on the ground, his feet shuffling on the grass, clumsy and awkward.

“This is Jared,” Jeff says, softly, “he is seventeen years old and comes from Austin, same as you.” He gestures for Jensen to come forward and he does so with a lot of reluctance.

“Hi, Jared.” Jensen feels awkward. “Hmm, I guess I am your big brother.”

Jared looks up finally, eyes stormy. He glances at the gifts Jensen still holds and a small smile makes dimples appear in his cheeks.

“They for me?” He asks, his hands reaching out. Jensen realizes how foolish these gifts must appear now and he shakes his head.

“I thought that…,” he trails off and Jared bites his lip.

“I could use the soccer ball,” he says, his face impassive, his mouth turning down a little. “And the truck is pretty awesome.” He slides his eyes up to meet Jensen’s. “I never saw a model that was as big as that one.”

Jensen hands the ball over to Jared who clutches it to his chest as if Jensen is going to take it off him again. He keeps hold of the truck wondering if he should give it to one of the younger boys. Jared watches him with hooded eyes.

“It’s mine,” he said, finally, “you bought it for me right?”

“Yeah. I guess.” Jensen finds himself looking at Jeff, eyes panicked.  
Jared must be only four or five years younger than him he guesses and he feels stupid acting all big and knowing.

“Jared.” Jeff smiles at the younger man. “Go and take your bags over to Cabin 10, you and Jensen are gonna bunk down there ok?”

“Ok.” Jared looks sullen again, prodding the earth with his shabby boot, the ball still held tight against his body. “I’ll see you there then,” he addresses this to Jensen and Jensen nods, still concerned, wondering why Jeff thought he would be ideal for Jared.

Jeff waits till Jared’s skinny form has disappeared and he turns to Jensen, eyes sad.

“He’s seventeen,” he says. “His parents are dead. Died over ten years ago, he had a big brother, twelve years older, didn’t want anything to do with the kid left him and his baby sister on the steps of child services. Baby sister got adopted instantly but Jared...no one wanted an older child. He got shifted from home to home and ended up on the streets. He was fourteen, Jensen. He ended up in a Juvenile detention center. He learned the hard way, never really known much kindness and God, he can be hard work but basically he is a good kid and he needs a firm hand. Thought you would make an ideal big brother for him Jensen. I know you aren’t much older than him but he wants a friend not a father figure and...and I know you can do it. I know you can bring him out of himself.”

Jensen shifted, awkwardly and nodded, wondering if Jeff was right, wondering if he could handle Jared if he could be the person to help Jared to make him feel better about life and himself.

He wanted Jeff to be right and he was going to try hard.

He was going to be the best damnedest Big Brother ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen woke up and stretched. Outside the sun was shining bright and yellow in the azure blue sky and it looked as if it was going to be a beautiful day...

He swung his legs out from the bed and shimmied down the wooden ladder. He always loved sleeping on the top bunk as a child and, now he had grown up, he realized that he hadn’t grown out of that love.

Jared was still sleeping, curled up, awkwardly, in the lower bunk. His long arm hung out of the covers and his hair was all over the place. Jensen bent down and gently shook his shoulder.

“Come on man,” he said, “we don’t want to miss breakfast.”

“Don’t want breakfast,” Jared mumbled under his breath and tried to turn out of Jensen’s grasp. Jensen bit back a smirk and shook Jared harder.

“We need to eat bro’,” he said. “Long day ahead.”

Jared sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes. His head nearly touched the bottom of the top bunk and his boney shoulders were bare. Jensen turned away as Jared swung out of bed, realizing that the younger man wasn’t wearing any pajamas.

The other boys and their mentors were up and dressed by the time Jared was ready. He looked sullen again, reluctant and he followed Jensen at a snail’s pace, dragging his feet deliberately, his head down, ignoring the other boy’s cries of ‘Hi’ and ‘How ya doin’?'

****

Jensen sat down at the long table and looked, hungrily, at his plate of food. The bacon was crisp, the eggs over easy, just like he liked them and the orange juice fresh and cold. Jared’s plate looked, pathetically, empty for a man of his size. He had a piece of toast and some cheese and he wasn’t even touching that, poking it around his plate as if it were poison.

“You should eat,” Jensen said, tucking into his own meal with embarrassing gusto.

“Not hungry.” Jared pushed his plate away and sipped at his juice. “Just wanna go back to bed.”

“Not today.” Father Jeff appeared over Jared’s shoulder. “Today, we are raft building.”

“Raft building?” Jensen felt a stupid tingle of excitement. He loved this activity and he had always wanted to build a proper raft, something that would float, something which would win that year’s prize.

“Yep! Big brother’s and their charge.” Father Jeff winked and Jensen wriggled uncomfortably. Jared looked at the table and began to chase a grain of salt around with is long finger, pointedly ignoring both Father Jeff and Jensen.

Jensen finished his meal and piled his plate on top of the stack waiting to be cleaned. Jared did the same and followed Jensen with more than a little reluctance, his eyes still cast downward.

“This should be awesome.” Jensen was aware of sounding overly enthusiastic and he could have smacked himself for how gauche he was being. Jared finally looked up and those slanting strange colored eyes bored into him, the smirk on Jared’s face far from innocent.

“You really don’t wanna build some stupid raft.” Jared said, softly. “I mean we could both go back to bed. Get cozy.”

Jensen almost choked on his tongue and he shook his head, his hands going up as if to protect himself.

“You don’t mean that Jared,” he said.

Jared’s high boned cheeks flushed pink and he thrust his hands into his pockets.

“Raft building sounds lame,” he mumbled and Jensen saw, first hand, how confused he was. “Just thought…,” he trailed off and Jensen put a tentative hand on his shoulder.

“Let’s give it a try,” he said, gently and Jared looked up at him, eyes luminous and bright.

“Ok.” He nodded, eyes downcast again but Jensen thought of it as a small victory and tugging at Jared’s hand, he made his way to the lake.

****

Raft building was as much fun as Jensen remembered. Father Jeff had supplied some equipment but the boys and their ‘big brother’s’ were encouraged to find their own stuff in the woods to help make the raft.

Jensen discovered that Jared was pretty practical and, after some encouragement, full of ideas. They worked hard at their raft and, at the end of the afternoon, Jensen was pretty sure they had something that would, most probably, float.

It was the fun part of the afternoon, watching as the boys tried out the rafts they had built. Jensen couldn’t help but laugh as Misha’s raft sank almost instantly, his friend and the boy he was mentoring getting soaked. Several of the rafts made it into the middle of the lake and then tipped over and even Jared snickered a little, his mouth quirking enough to make dimples appear in his flushed cheeks.

Then it was their turn and Jared pushed the raft out far enough for them to climb on board. The little craft stayed upright in the water and floated, easily, out into the middle of the lake and bobbed up and down there showing no signs of sinking. The other boys clapped and cheered and Father Jeff looked as if he would burst with happiness. Jensen slapped Jared on the shoulder and was amazed to see the younger man laugh, teeth showing and dimples deepening. Jensen punched the air in triumph and Jared grinned wider.

All in all it had been a successful afternoon.

****

That night, over supper, Father Jeff presented them with the annual trophy for the best made and most ‘sea worthy’ raft. Jared held the silver cup next to his chest with the same possessive urgency that he had held Jensen’s soccer ball and Jensen nodded, letting him keep it.

Jensen was stiff and exhausted, ready to roll into bed. He washed quickly and cleaned his teeth then he made his way back into the cabin.

Jared was fast asleep, half in and half out of the bed. Jensen bent down to tuck Jared’s bare foot back under the covers when he caught a glimpse of something shiny under the bed and he got down on his hands and knees and peered into the darkness.

Under Jared’s bed was the soccer ball, the trophy and the fire truck. They were hidden as far under there as Jared could push them, out of sight of the other boys. Jensen swallowed hard and bit back foolish tears, standing to his feet his eyes stinging.

He could not begin to imagine what Juvenile detention centers were like but he wasn’t stupid. He realized that, up until this point, Jared’s life must have been pretty grim and he couldn’t even begin to comprehend what Jared had been through.

Jared was, obviously, unused to being given gifts, to having something that was purely his own and now he had something, he wasn’t going to let anyone else take it away from him.

Jensen stood at the edge of Jared’s bed for a moment and let his hand reach out and ghost its way through Jared’s unruly hair. He stroked it, running his fingers through it, wondering at its softness. A lump formed in his throat and he shook his head, wishing he could just climb in bed with Jared and wrap him in a hug, holding him close and shielding him from anything that might hurt him.

He stepped back then, pulling his fingers away, heart beating hard and fast, shaking his head to clear it.

He was confused, unsure and he needed to sleep.

He was supposed to be Jared’s ‘big brother’, his mentor and that was all he was supposed to be.

He climbed up the ladder and flopped into bed, pulling the covers over his ears and scrunching his eyes shut.

Despite his exhaustion it was a long time before he slept.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day dawned bright and clear, hotter than ever.

Jensen was already sweating as he sat down to breakfast. He wore a ragged pair of shorts and an old wife beater, sipping orange juice and eating water melon that was cool and fresh against his tongue.

Jared slid into the chair opposite him. His hair was pushed back from his forehead and there was sweat on his upper lip. He wore a pair of frayed denim cut-offs and his chest was bare. Jensen kept his eyes on his plate, not wanting to stare at Jared’s bare skin, noting only that he was already turning a nice shade of brown and that he was way too thin, ribs showing and stomach concave.

“Are you eating today?” He tried to keep his voice light, not wanting to sound as if he were lecturing. “We are all going swimming, which is awesome, cause it is so hot.”

Jared’s shoulders lifted up to his ears and dropped again, an obvious shrug. Jensen poured some more juice into his cup and, casually, poured some into Jared’s. The younger man said nothing but drained his cup and, without a word, reached out with long fingers and stole a piece of Jensen’s melon. Jensen grinned, head down and watched, with some satisfaction, as Jared cleared Jensen’s bowl, his face expressionless.

Father Jeff had organized the boys and their mentors into groups. Jensen waved to Steve and Misha, and asked Father Jeff if he could join their group. The older man smiled, benignly, and agreed, waving them on.

The younger boys were almost beside themselves with excitement. The lake looked clear and refreshingly cool. Jensen could feel his own body dripping with sweat and he longed to plunge in. Beside him Jared appeared to be disinterested but Jensen could see by his bright eyes that he was as excited as the young ones.

“One group at a time,” Father Jeff intoned and the first group of boys leaped, whooping, into the water. Jensen felt the splash of cold droplets on his face and he stared, longingly, as the lake, wishing it would soon be their turn.

All of a sudden, chaos, as one of the really young boys in another group decided he could wait no longer. His tiny, scrawny body plunged head first into the water and water covered his head. Father Jeff ran to the side of the lake and began to shout, panic setting in when the boy didn’t resurface.

The lake was deeper than it looked. Father Jeff had deliberately put good swimmers with bad ones for that reason and Jensen was in the process of pulling off his wife beater when Jared dived into the water without hesitation.

Jared looked so elegant in the water. His stroke was strong and firm and he duck dived beneath the surface, his feet disappearing as he seemed to go deeper and deeper.

Jensen jumped in after him, ignoring the shouts from Steve and Misha. Long seconds passed and then Jared reappeared, gasping, the young boy in his arms, held tight and firm.

“Get him on the side,” Father Jeff said. “Is he ok?”

The boy grunted and water spewed everywhere. Jared hauled the boy onto the grass verge and then pulled himself ashore. He was panting but he looked in good shape and Jensen rushed over to him not thinking as he threw an arm around Jared’s shoulder.

“That was awesome,” he murmured. “Where did you learn to swim like that?”

Jared pulled away from his embrace, his eyes downcast, face sullen.

“My brother,” he whispered. “He took me swimming when I was little. H-he…,” Jared’s voice trailed off and Jensen felt his stomach clench. He remembered Father Jeff telling him about Jared’s brother, how he hadn’t wanted to look after him, how he had abandoned him.

“He. We used to go together to the local pool.” Jared was talking again and Jensen saw a single tear trickle down one high boned cheek. “He taught me all the strokes.”

“Jared…,” Jensen began but the younger man shook his head.

“I feel sick,” he stated, blandly. “I want to go back to the cabin.”

“Let me come with you.” Jensen was aware of the panic around him dying down. He could see Father Jeff coming towards them, a smile of gratitude on his face and he put up a hand to stop him in his tracks.

“If you like.” Jared swallowed hard and Jensen could see he was trying to hold back tears.

****

The cabin was cool. Jensen drew the blinds and watched as Jared lay down on his bed, an arm thrown across his face. He could hear Jared sniffing, gulping and he wanted to hold him, wanted to give him some comfort.

“You saved that kid’s life,” he said, finally. “You saved him, Jared.”

Jared made a noise something between a hiccup and a sob and Jensen sat down on the edge of the bed, his fingers tangling in Jared’s wet hair.

“We should get you in the shower. Get you warm and dry. Then you should eat something.” Jensen tried to be matter of fact. “You’ll feel better.”

“Don’t wanna,” Jared mumbled, turning his face to the pillow, forcing Jensen to pull his fingers away. “Just wanna sleep.”

“Jared.” Jensen bit his own lip. “You need to get dry at least dude.”

Jared sat up and stared at Jensen something like defiance in his eyes.

He swung his legs round and got off the bed pulling his cut-offs down as he did so. Jensen tried to look away but he was frozen into place, his eyes on Jared’s skinny hips, his long legs and his cock lying half hard against his thigh, half hidden by curly chestnut hair.

“Jared,” Jensen said again. “Please....”

“Why don’t we shower together?” Jared grinned then and his eyes turned predatory. “It would be fun wouldn’t it?”

Jensen didn’t trust his voice and he shook his head, eyes on Jared’s feet, wanting so badly to walk forward those few steps and take Jared into his arms.

“I’m your big brother, Jared.” He managed finally. “I’m here to take care of you.”

“I don’t want a big brother,” Jared said, his voice harsh, his face unreadable. “I had a fucking big brother and he let me down. He didn’t want me. He left me alone. I-I never saw him again. Never got to see my sister either.”

“God. I’m so sorry.” Jensen moved then and, suddenly, Jared was in his arms and he was holding him close, so close, ignoring the fact he was naked, ignoring the fact that he was shaking. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jared.”

“I don’t want a big brother. Big brother’s let you down, Jensen. I want. I want....” Jared was crying now, unable to hold it back, unable to do anything but cling to Jensen. The gesture no longer sexual but needy and desperate. “I don’t want a big brother,” he said again. “I want a friend.” He looked up into Jensen’s eyes and his own eyes were pleading. “Can you be my friend, Jensen?” He asked. “Will you be my friend?”

And really, there was only one answer.


	4. Chapter 4

After that night things got a little better and Jensen was grateful for it...

Jared became easier to deal with, more like the carefree young boy he should be, rather than a sullen teenager.

Jared began to lighten up, to talk to the other boys, to eat breakfast and to join in with the activities without too much pleading from Jensen.

Father Jeff, was thrilled and he took Jensen to one side; a warm hand on his back.

“You have done a great job with the boy,” he said, patting Jensen’s shoulder. “I knew it was the right decision to let you take care of him.”

“Yeah. He...I think we are friends now.” Jensen glanced over to where Jared was helping some of the younger boys to make kites. He was smiling, his dimples deep in his tanned face, no trace of the pale sullen youth that Jensen had come to know.

“Good.” Father Jeff cocked his head to one side and Jensen saw the fondness in the older man’s eyes. “It is such a shame,” he continued, “that when the camp ends he has to go back to...to the home where we have placed him. He hates it. The older ones take his stuff and bully him. He needs some stability, Jensen. He needs to know that not everyone leaves.”

“What can I do?” Jensen swallowed.

He had been so wrapped up in getting Jared to trust him that he had forgotten that this was only temporary. In another few weeks he would leave the camp and go back to college. What would happen to Jared then? Jared had given himself over to Jensen. Had given him, his trust and affection and now Jensen was going to do just what his own brother had done to him, he was going to leave.

“I don’t know son,” Father Jeff sighed. “I have never seen him so happy, so content. I wish there was something we could do but I don’t know what. This whole experience could be the making of him but if he has to go back to that place, a place he hates, it could finally break him.”

Jensen watched Jared; the younger man was deep in concentration, his fingers working deftly on the bright colored material of the kite. His heart clenched and his stomach flipped and he swallowed hard, knowing that the feelings he had for Jared ran deeper than friendship, deeper than brotherly.

“Hey.” Jared had noticed him and turned a full watt white toothed grin on him, eyes bright. “Hey. What do you think of the kite?”

“It’s awesome, Jared.” Jensen had to force the lump in his throat down and he returned Jared’s grin, hoping his own wasn’t as weak and as watery as it felt.

“Do you wanna come and watch us fly it?” Jared rose to his feet and Jensen saw how tall he was, how confident he looked when he wasn’t slumping, how the food he had been eating had helped fill out his skinny frame giving him muscle definition and making him look healthy.

“Yeah, sure.” Jensen went over and slung an arm around Jared’s shoulders. “Lets go watch it fly.”

****

The last week and, for the first time, it was raining.

Jared was beginning to crawl back into his shell, his moods becoming more and more unpredictable, his manner as sullen as it was when he arrived. He started to refuse food again and he no longer helped the younger kids. He spent a lot of time huddled on his bed, tears smearing his cheeks, his arms around the football, guarding his property like a fierce dog.

Jensen couldn’t blame him. He knew why Jared felt the way that he did but he didn’t know what he could do about it. If Father Jeff had no solution then it was hard for Jensen to think of one. In another three weeks he would be back in Art College and only had one year left. He couldn’t give it up. Could he? Couldn’t give up his future for one single person. Couldn’t even give it up for Jared.

****

“Everyone, leaves.” Jared was curled up on his bed, Jensen sitting beside him. Outside the rain pounded down, splattering against the window and turning the whole world damp and miserable. “Even you.”

“I have to, Jared.” Jensen put a tentative hand on Jared’s shuddering shoulder and Jared jerked away, his hands rubbing at his tear smeared face.

“Yeah. Yeah you have to.” Jared’s smile was wry. “That is what my brother said to me. He said ‘I have to go bro. Have to make my way in the world’”. He shrugged. “I’m the only one who has to stay. Stay in that fucking home until I turn eighteen.” He bit his lip and another tear trickled down his reddened cheeks. “One whole fucking year. Another fucking year. God! Why, Jensen? Why does everyone leave me? Why do I have to stay?”

Jensen had no answer for that, all he wanted to do was to hold Jared close to him. To promise him that he wouldn’t leave, that he would be the first person to stay...to stay and give Jared the life he wanted and deserved.

Trouble was he couldn’t and wouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep and he was powerless to do anything but rub Jared’s shoulder and hope for a miracle.

****

It was early when he opened his eyes but, already, he knew that something was wrong. He crawled out of the top bunk to find Father Jeff in the cabin, a look of utter panic and betrayal on his face.

“What is it?” Jensen’s heart was in his mouth and he took a quick glance at Jared’s bed, finding it empty.

“Oh God.” Jensen stared at Father Jeff. “He...he’s gone, hasn’t he?”

Father Jeff wiped at his eyes and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. Jensen took it from his trembling fingers and held it for a moment, not wanting to look at it, not wanting to see the truth.

 _Jensen_

 

The writing was untidy and smeared with tears, the paper wrinkled as if it had been screwed up several times.

 _I have always wanted a friend and you have been that and more to me. I have been happier here than I have ever been in my life but it won’t last. It never does._

 _Everyone, leaves, Jensen. Everyone leaves me and I can’t stand it anymore. This time it is me, who is doing the leaving. Tell Father Jeff I am sorry and that he shouldn’t worry about me. I’ve lived on the streets before and survived._

 _I’m so sorry that I didn’t say a proper goodbye to you Jensen and I wish that you really were my big brother. I hope. I hope we will meet again someday._

 _Take care of yourself_

 _Jared_

 

Jensen held the note to his chest for a moment and then he dropped to his knees and scrabbled beneath Jared’s bed. The football, the truck and the raft trophy were gone and then, only then, did Jensen realize that Jared was really gone also.

His throat closed then and he felt the hot tears in his eyes streaming down his cheeks.

“We have to find him,” he whispered. “I. We. We have to find him.”

Father Jeff pulled him up and held him close.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself for this Jensen,” he whispered. “Jared was a confused young man. You worked wonders with him.”

“But I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t leave him,” Jensen choked out, his tears almost blinding him. “And now he has gone.” He gulped hard. “I just wanted to be a good friend to him,” he said. “I just wanted to be his big brother.”

And with that his tears turned to sobs and he couldn’t say another word.

Jared was gone and Jensen wondered if he would ever see him again.


	5. Chapter 5

They spent the rest of the time searching but it was if Jared had vanished into thin air.

The day they left it was raining and neither Misha nor Steve teased him when he spent the drive home with his nose pressed against the window, constantly looking for something he might, one day, find.

Jensen’s mom didn’t comment on how quiet he was. She assumed it was because he was nervous going back to college, nervous because this was his last year and he was going to have to make some decision about his future. She never asked him and he wasn’t sure he could tell her.

Jared’s picture was circulated everywhere but no one seemed to have seen him. Jensen figured he could be anywhere, any town near the camp site and city within the area. Maybe he had gone further, maybe he hadn’t gone very far at all.

Finally, Jensen went back to college for his final year. He needed to work hard, needed to concentrate, needed to forget about Jared and think of his own life, his own future.

So what, if he rang Father Jeff everyday and so what if he went out with his friends and spent the night searching bars and backstreets. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t working, didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to pass his course and get an awesome job.

All it meant was that he was still, in his heart, a big brother and he still had responsibilities. He wanted to find Jared so much that it hurt and he wondered, often, if the hurt would ever go away.

****

Jensen graduated with full honors in front of his proud parents, his sister and his big brother. He had been given a job in the local school teaching the younger kids arts and crafts. It wasn’t quite what he wanted but it was a start and he was happy about it, relieved that he had passed and that his college work was over.

He went to camp that year as usual, hoping, futilely that Jared might be there. Father Jeff shook his head sadly the minute he saw Jensen’s hopeful face and Jensen saw that the older man looked even more worn, even more grey in his hair and beard. Jensen was given another, much younger, boy to mentor and he threw himself into it with as much enthusiasm as he could muster but it wasn’t the same and he couldn’t help but think of last year, of Jared and their friendship.

One night as he lay, wide awake, in his bed, he suddenly realized that Jared would be eighteen now and legal. The thought made him sick, stinging tears burning his eyelids as they fell. He wondered if Jared was surviving and how he was surviving and he cried himself to sleep.

****

Christmas 2000

Jensen was running really late and the streets were deserted. He hated being alone like this at night, although the fear made him feel stupid.

He had left his car in the street and he was beginning to think that he would be lucky if it hadn’t been stolen or towed away. His momma had bought him the car as an early Christmas present and if he lost it now he might as well throw himself under the bus he would have to catch home, so he was pretty relieved to see it standing there where he had left it.

He was bending down, key in lock, when a gruff voice behind him said,

“Give me the fucking keys and no heroics.” Jensen swallowed and tensed as he felt the point of something sharp sticking into his back. He half turned to see a skinny blond boy, smaller than him with almost rat-like features.

“Look,” Jensen began, reasonably, “I have money in my wallet, take that rather than the car.”

“Don’t want your fucking money,” the boy said, harshly. “I want your wheels.”

Jensen felt his stomach roll and he opened his mouth to speak again but was interrupted by another voice.

“Chad! What did I fucking tell you, don’t start without me.”

For a moment time seemed to stand still and Jensen thought he might be dreaming or hallucinating. He was aware of the point in his back but he turned a little more and almost collapsed, his knees giving way as he found himself face to face with Jared.

He was taller, but oh so thin, his cheekbones and collarbones sharp and defined, his t-shirt hanging from his frame, his jeans low on his boney hips.

His hair was longer, greasy and unwashed, slanting eyes tired and shadowed, his mouth turned down sourly. He stared at Jensen for a long, long time and then he threw himself at the blond boy and pulled the knife from his hand, allowing Jensen to turn around.

“What the fuck, Jared?” The blond boy, Chad, looked angry. “Why are you savin’ this dude?”

Jared smiled, slight and weak, dimples not even showing. He rubbed a hand across his dirty face and put out a shaking hand, long fingers closing around Jensen’s arm.

“He’s my big brother,” said Jared, softly, squeezing Jensen’s bicep gently. “That’s why.”

****

They sat in a diner, that was bright and festooned with Christmas decorations, carols playing in the background, the scent of turkey and cinnamon fresh in the air. Jensen bought both the boys supper and watched as they practically devoured the food, not speaking, simply enjoying, their thin frames virtually vibrating with pleasure.

“Where have you been?” Jensen said, finally. “I looked everywhere for you.”

“Here and there,” Jared said, trying for bravado. “You know how it is.”

“I don’t.” Jensen felt his stomach clench. “I don’t know how it is, Jared. You ran away. You ran away and never gave me a chance to make it right with you.”

“I wasn’t goin’ back to that fucking home.” Jared put down his knife and stared at Jensen, eyes suspiciously bright. “And I’m not heading for juvey either.”

“How have you survived?” Jensen didn’t really want to know, he was scared. Scared of what Jared might say. As if he had read his mind, Jared grinned, wryly.

“I’ve stolen, I’ve hustled and I’ve begged but I haven’t done that.” He lifted his head, defiantly. “I would never do that.”

“God, Jared.” Jensen wanted to lean over the table and hug him but he was aware of Chad watching them, of Jared’s body language which seemed to say ‘keep off’.

“It is ok, Jensen.” Jared wiped his mouth. “I’m ok.”

“Come back with me,” Jensen blurted out. “Father Jeff, is beside himself, at least come back and let him see you are ok.”

“Can I bring Chad?” He gestured to the rat-faced boy who looked, suddenly, lost and vulnerable, no longer the threat he had appeared to be earlier.

“Yeah, bring Chad,” Jensen said, wondering if he had lost his mind. “We’ll figure something out ok? Even if it means you have to sleep on my momma’s couch. We’ll figure it out.”

Chad spoke then and his voice was soft, awed.

“Your big brother is the best,” he whispered.

“I know,” Jared replied.


	6. Chapter 6

Father Jeff stood in the doorway of his house and stared at Jared as if he were seeing things.

Jensen pushed the younger man forward and Jared went, reluctantly, letting the old priest put his arms around him and hug him awkwardly. Chad stood a little behind them and watched, his face unreadable. Jensen put a gentle hand on Chad’s shoulder.

“Wish I had someone who cared about me,” Chad said, finally, his eyes bright.

Jensen’s heart contracted and he felt a lump in his throat.

“How have you and Jared survived these past months?” He asked finally. “Where have you slept?”

“Shop doorways mostly,” Chad said, rubbing his dirty hands across his face. “Sometimes we’d find an old house and squat there. Jared was adamant that he didn’t want to be found. Fucking scared of going back to that home but....” He shrugged and gave Jensen a searching look. “Surely, it couldn’t have been any worse than living on the streets.”

Jensen swallowed hard, feeling as if he might lose it. He saw Father Jeff talking to Jared, saw the younger man nodding, his head down, mouth sullen.

“I think Jared and his friend should shower,” Father Jeff mused, “and I have a spare room where they both can sleep. In the morning we are all going to talk.”

Jensen nodded. He followed Jared and Chad up the stairs and found himself on towel duty, handing them out and taking dirty ones downstairs. Finally, both men looked cleaner and Chad yawned, throwing himself down on one of the beds and closing his eyes.

“This,” he said, with a grin, “is my idea of paradise.”

****

Jared stood in the hallway staring out of the window at the blackness of the night. Jensen hovered behind him, suddenly unsure. It had been a long time since he had seen Jared and he couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Did you go to camp this year?” It was Jared who spoke first, turning so that he could look Jensen in the eye.

“Yeah.” Jensen rubbed his face. “I-I hoped you would be there.”

“Were you a big brother to someone else?” Jared murmured, his eyes red rimmed, mouth turned down.

“I was, but he...he wasn’t like you.” Jensen admitted and Jared wiped at his eyes, his face red.

“I-I still have the stuff you gave me,” he whispered. “The ball, the truck, even the fucking raft trophy.” He wiped at his eyes again. “I missed you,” he whispered. “Missed you so much.”

“Oh, Jared.” Jensen reached out and took the younger man into his arms. Jared tensed for a moment and then he relaxed into the hug, his head resting on Jensen’s broad shoulder.

“I never...you asked me how I survived on the streets and I never hustled. Never sold my body,” Jared said. “I’ve never…,” he tailed off and Jensen felt soft hands tugging at his belt. “But for you….”

“Jared.” Jensen pushed him away gently, keeping him at arms length, hands still clutching at Jared’s shoulders. “I-I’m flattered. Honest I am but we are friends right? We are like brothers. I’m not gay Jared and neither are you. Please.”

His stomach clenched and he felt his body flush, almost making his words a lie.

Jared stared at him, cat-like eyes flashing. His cheeks were red and his mouth looked kissable. Jensen knew temptation right then but he pushed down those feelings and just held on. He knew that Jared was still so lost, so confused and he didn’t want to take advantage of him. Jared didn’t know what he was doing, not really, and Jensen felt as if he were playing with fire.

“I’m sorry.” Jared pulled away from Jensen then, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to tell you, how much I...I...how,” he paused and Jensen understood. Understood his feelings because Jensen was feeling it too, something that was far deeper than just affection, something that was close to love.

“It’s ok, Jared,” Jensen said. “Everything is going to be ok.”

****

“I should have done this years ago.” Father Jeff took a sip of his coffee and smiled across at Jensen. “I have this big old house and no one to fill it but me.”

“You are going to take Jared in?” Jensen’s heart soared. “Really?”

“Jared and that poor friend of his.” Father Jeff smiled. “I have no doubt that my life will change quite drastically but I am an old man Jensen and those boys will give me a new lease of life.” He patted Jensen’s hand. “And you, my boy can visit anytime you want. Jared is so fond of you. You are an excellent role model. Excellent.”

Jensen grinned then and he gave Father Jeff a hug.

Jared was, finally, going to have a home.

****

Summer 2001

They celebrated Jared’s 19th birthday at camp.

Jensen could hardly believe how much Jared had changed. He had grown again and was, easily, the tallest person there. He had put on weight since he had been living with Father Jeff and he looked so much happier, healthier, his face fuller, his dimples deeper, his chestnut hair flopping into his face.

He had been going to college, as a late joiner and had joined the basketball team. Father Jeff had let him adopt two dogs from the pound and they went everywhere with him, even being allowed to ‘attend’ camp.

Chad looked better too. He was lanky and not as tall as Jared but he was sharp and intelligent and he was no slacker at college. No one would have known or guessed that they were once ‘street kids’ and Jensen felt a stupid stab of happiness every time he looked at them.

Jared was a big brother himself this year and he took his responsibilities very seriously. Jensen couldn’t believe how much Jared had grown up and he was glad to call the other man friend.

The younger kids were in bed and Father Jeff had allowed them to crack open a few beers. They sat around the fire, all of them pleasantly buzzed, toasting marshmallows and talking loudly about who might win the raft race this year.

****

Jensen saw Jared rise to his feet and stagger into the trees and he felt compelled to follow. It was dark and cool under the shelter of the branches, the orange glow from the distant fire the only light. Jared was leaning against one of the tree trunks, staring into the sky, his face illuminated, all high cheeks and tip-tilted nose, his hair framing his face and making him look almost unearthly.

“Hey.” Jensen leaned against the same trunk, their shoulders brushing. "Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.” Jared smelt of sugar and beer. “I never thought...never thought I could have this. You know?”

Jensen felt his stomach flip and he shook his head.

“You deserve it, Jared.”

“I wouldn’t be here if not for you.” Jared turned slightly, eyes bright.

“And Father Jeff,” Jensen smiled.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jared took a deep breath and turned fully, his arms wrapping around Jensen’s waist, his mouth close to Jensen’s neck.

Jensen couldn’t help himself then; leaned into Jared, leaned into his warmth, the pulse in his neck pounding against Jared’s wet lips.

“I-I love you Jensen,” Jared whispered and Jensen felt his whole body surge with warmth and energy. He tilted his head up and Jared tipped his down and then the earth seemed to stand still, as Jared kissed him.


	7. Chapter 7

The kiss was chaste but Jensen could feel that they both wanted more. He was shaking and. As he held Jared close, he could feel the tremors coursing through Jared, the need and excitement obvious.

“Please Jensen,” Jared’s voice was pleading. “I’m legal now, have been for a year. I know what I want Jensen. Please.”

Jensen’s mouth was dry and his cock was hard in his jeans. He could feel Jared’s heart pounding against his chest; feel those huge hands holding him closer, Jared’s hardness pressed up against him.

“I can’t,” he said and pulled away.

“Why?” Jared looked as if he was ready to burst into tears. “Why the fuck do you keep pushing me away Jensen? I love you. I think, I was a little in love with you right from the moment we met.” He reached out for Jensen again. “Please, Jensen. I...you want this as much as I do.”

“You’re right.” Jensen swallowed, hard. “Fuck, are you right but I can’t do this. I can’t even tell you why but...but I can’t.”

Jared stared at him as if he were mad. He shook his head.

“We should get back,” he said, his voice flat, emotionless, his eyes brimming with un-shed tears.

“Yeah.” Jensen nodded, his mind whirling. “Maybe, we should.”

“I don’t get you, Jensen.” Jared glanced down to where Jensen’s jeans gave him away, staring at the erection that was still pretty obvious. “I don’t understand you.”

“I don’t understand myself,” Jensen said and, with that, he turned and made his way back to the camp.

****

Two weeks later and he was home again, staring out of the window, and wondering what the fuck he was doing.

He wanted Jared. Jared wanted him. It was all legal and above board so why did he keep pushing the younger man away? He swallowed and wiped at his face.

Deep inside, he knew why. It was because he still thought of Jared as the ‘little brother’ he had never had, still thought of Jared as something precious, something fragile, somebody that he had to care for, to protect. Despite the fact that Jared had grown up, Jensen still saw him as that sullen, frightened teenager and he wondered if that would ever change, if his heart would one day rule his head rather than the other way around.

****

He’d been back at work for two months when he got the offer. An exchange, the principal said and a lifetime opportunity. An art teacher from an English school would come and work for them and Jensen could go and work in England. It could last two to five years, the principal said, and it was really too good to miss.

Jensen didn’t really have to think that hard. It was a way out...a coward’s way out but a way out all the same.

That night he signed his name on the contract and told his parents he was going to England. He had to do it and do it fast before he had chance to regret.

****

Telling Father Jeff, telling Jared, was harder and he thought he might break, shatter as he stood in Father Jeff’s cozy little lounge and made his announcement. Jared stared at him open mouthed and turned away as Father Jeff and Chad shook his hand and made him promise to write.

“Come on, Jared.” Chad, oblivious, cajoled his friend. “Wish Jensen luck.”

Jared turned and Jensen saw how devastated he looked, his eyes cold, his whole body tense.

“So, you are leaving?” Jared didn’t hold out his hand, didn’t even twitch a muscle. “Guess, I should have known you would. Everybody leaves. You...you are no different.”

“I have to go,” Jensen said and he tried, tried so hard to communicate his feelings to Jared, tried to get Jared to see why he had to leave.

Jared shook his head.

“You don’t,” he said, finally, “you are leaving me, just like my first big brother did. I thought...I thought you were different. Guess I was wrong.” He wiped, furiously, at his eyes. “Don’t expect me to write.” His voice sounded like sandpaper. “Don’t expect me to miss you.”

“Don’t run away again,” Jensen pleaded and Jared laughed his laughter bitter and cold.

“What do you care?” He asked. “You are the one who is running away, not me. I won’t hurt Father Jeff like that. I couldn’t, cause...cause I know how much it hurts to lose someone that you love. I fucking know Jensen.”

“Jared….” Jensen reached out but Jared had already turned his back and Jensen was left alone in the room wondering if he would ever be able to forgive himself.

****

Christmas 2002

Jensen stared at the blonde girl beside him and smiled, slipping the ring onto the finger of her shaking left hand and lifting her veil so that he could kiss her.

He had met Tania almost two weeks into his stay in England and he had liked her from the start. She wasn’t beautiful and she didn’t make his heart flip but she was funny and kind and she kept him company when he was lonely and that was enough.

He hadn’t meant to sleep with her, but he was frustrated and horny and he hadn’t had sex for a long, long time. It had been unsatisfying and had made him realize that he REALLY was gay and that he should have listened to his heart and not his head because his head was seriously fucking with him.

Tania turned up at his hotel room three weeks later and announced she was pregnant. It was sudden and all too much but Jensen had always been one for doing the right thing and had asked her to marry him. The love in her eyes had been clear and he felt so low he almost withdrew the offer, his mind elsewhere, full of cat-like eyes and a sullen, kissable mouth, but Tania said yes and here he was wondering how his life had taken this direction and wondering how his folks and his friends back home were taking the news.

He had written to his parents and to Father Jeff and both had written back expressing surprise but good wishes. Father Jeff also told him that Chad was now working as an intern at a Law school and had decided he wanted to be a lawyer and that Jared had been offered a place on a professional basketball team. He added that both were happy and Jensen felt a foolish, selfish relief when he realized that Jared hadn’t run away again, that Jared was fine, that Jared could survive without him.

He was married now, for better or for worse, and he had to forget Jared, to put Jared out of his mind for good. He had loved Jared, really loved him but he had done, what he hoped was the right thing and all he could do was look to the future with some sort of hope.

****

Autumn 2006

Jensen stared at the letter in his hand and turned it over and over. He recognized the writing instantly. He had seen it on the note Jared left all those years ago and now...now Jared was writing to him again and he didn’t know why.

He glanced over to where Gabe was playing with his toys. His son looked happy, content and Jensen felt a surge of love, of protectiveness, determined that his son would be happy, that he wouldn’t miss out on anything because he didn’t have a mom.

Tania had left them when Gabe was just two months old. She had realised, fairly quickly, that Jensen didn’t love her, that their relationship was nothing but a farce. She hadn’t guessed that his heart already belonged to someone else and he was glad of that. He was carrying around enough guilt and regret as it was and he didn’t have the strength to carry around anymore.

He sat down by the window and opened the letter, his heart beating fast and furious as he read what Jared had to say.

 _Dear Jensen,_ it read, _I am sorry to tell you that Father Jeff is seriously ill and is asking for you. I know it is a lot to ask but could you possibly come home to see him. I don’t think he has long and he so wants to see you before - before the inevitable._

 _We both miss you Jensen. Please come home._

 _Regards – Jared._

 

Jensen stared at the crumpled paper in his hand. He could see Father Jeff in his mind’s eye and he felt tears sting his lashes. He needed to see him again but more than that and to his shame he needed to see Jared more.

He was going home.

****

He stood in the airport lounge, Gabe clinging to his hand. He felt nervous, apprehensive and so fucking scared that he was shaking like a leaf.

Jared had agreed to pick them up but there was no sign of him and Jensen wondered, not unreasonably, if Jared had changed his mind.

“Jensen?”

He turned and for a moment he didn’t recognize the person who stood in front of him.

The man was incredibly tall, at least four or five inches over six feet, his arms and legs long and muscular. His face was thinner, the cheek-bones more defined, the lips thin and sensual, a thin line of dark stubble around his chin. Slanting cat-like eyes were almost obscured by dark bangs and long chestnut hair hung loose around broad shoulders.

“Jared?” Jensen stuttered and then, to his surprise, he was caught up in a pair of long arms and held tight against a hard chest, Jared’s breath hot against his neck and it was like time had stood still.

“You came back,” Jared whispered, his voice deeper, gentle, and forgiving.

“Yeah.” Jensen’s eyes brimmed over and then the tears came. “And I’m never leaving again. I promise.”

Jared let him go for a moment and held him at arm’s length, eyes bright.

“Welcome home, big brother.” Was all he said.


	8. Chapter 8

Father Jeff looked old and frail as he lay in the big bed.

Jensen had always associated the priest with strength, with a big broad body and a smiling, healthy face. Now he could only stare at his friend, his mentor, the man he loved as much as his own father and he swallowed hard, not knowing what to do or say.

“Father Jeff…,” he began and the older man smiled then and patted the bed beside him.

“Jensen,” he said. “It is so good to see you,” his voice wavered and he sounded as frail as he looked. “How is your wife? Your son?”

“Tania and I separated a long time ago.” Jensen flushed. He had been too ashamed to tell Father Jeff about the failure of his marriage, too ashamed to tell him it was because he was in love with the boy he had promised to protect and mentor. “But Gabe is a lovely boy. He is four years old now and...and he is perfect.” Jensen smiled, his pride getting the better of him. “I can bring him to see you, if you would like to see him?”

“I would love to see him.” Father Jeff clasped Jensen’s wrist weakly. “Now, where is Jared? He seems to have vanished since you arrived.”

Jensen had noticed that too and he shook his head, not knowing where Jared was. Jared seemed to be avoiding him and, to be fair, Jensen couldn’t blame him, not really, they had parted on pretty bad terms and he was lucky that Jared wanted to talk to him at all.

“I’ll go find him, if you want him,” Jensen offered and Father Jeff nodded, his smile tired now.

“Please do Jensen. It would be nice to see you two together, again.”

****

Jensen found Jared in Father Jeff’s study, pouring over a book and biting the pen in his hand. When he entered, Jared looked up and gave Jensen a cautious smile, his dimples deepening briefly.

“Father Jeff sent me to find you,” Jensen said, feeling lame, his cheeks hot.

“How is he today?” Jared closed the book and rubbed at his eyes. “He has good days and bad days, you know.”

“He looks so...so old and frail.” Jensen felt a lump in his throat and he swallowed hard. “What is wrong with him?”

“Cancer.” Jared wiped at his eyes again and Jensen could see how tired he looked, shadows under his eyes and lines around his nose and mouth. “He has a few months at the most.”

“I...he told me you had been offered a place on a professional basketball team.”

Jensen could feel the shock vibrating through him and he couldn’t believe what he had just heard, unable to face the inevitable, unable to face Father Jeff dying.

“Yeah, but I can’t go now. Can’t leave him on his own.” Jared didn’t look regretful, just resigned. “I won’t leave him,” he said. “I won’t let him go through that pain.”

“Jared….” Jensen reached out a hand but Jared flinched away.

“I can’t,” he said, slowly. “It is too late.”

“What do you mean?” Jensen was shaking, jet lag; shock and pure exhaustion making him feel weak and vulnerable.

“I have...my...look, I have a partner. Tom. He...he is the basketball coach at the local sports complex. We have been together for over a year now and I...we get along just fine.” Jared flushed a little and turned away.

Jensen lowered his head. It was no more than he could expect and he couldn’t blame Jared. Jensen had been the one to leave, the one to marry someone else, the one that always pushed Jared away. He could hardly expect Jared to sit around and wait for him, hardly expect Jared to pine away to nothing.

“I’m glad,” he said, finally. “Glad you got someone to support you through this.”

“Yeah.” Jared’s eyes shone for a moment and Jensen was relieved to see hope in them. “You will have to meet him. I’ve told him a lot about you.”

“All good I hope,” Jensen said and Jared laughed for the first time, head back, throat working, looking so sensual, so good, that Jensen could hardly bear it.

“Of course. You are my awesome big brother.” Jared nodded and then held out his hand for Jensen to take. “Now, lets go and see Father Jeff. He needs us.”

****

Jensen sat on the spare bed, Gabe fast asleep on the camp bed next to him.

Jared stood in the doorway and stared at Jensen's son, a slight smile on his face.

“He is...he looks like you.” Jared came into the room and sat next to Jensen, careful not to touch him. “I’m sorry that your marriage didn’t work out. It must be hard, raising a son on your own.”

“He’s a good boy,” Jensen said. “My momma can’t wait to get her hands on him but I had to come here first. See Father Jeff. See you.”

Jared stared at him for a moment and Jensen flushed as he saw the longing in those slanting cat-like eyes.

“I wish I didn’t love you so much,” Jared said, hoarsely. “Y-you have always meant so much to me and nothing has changed.”

“You have Tom now though,” Jensen said, his own desperation warring with his conscience.

“I...Tom is a good guy.” Jared’s voice shook. “But...but he isn’t you.”

“Jared….” Jensen’s heart was pounding and he leaned over so that he was pressed up close to Jared, so close that he could feel the younger man shaking. He pressed his hand on Jared’s chest, felt the hardness there, the muscles, the tautness of his biceps.

“I’ve never...not with Tom...not with anyone.” Jared sounded wrecked. “I have been waiting for you, Jensen. I still am.”

“God, Jared.” Jensen’s voice came out as a groan and he glanced across at Gabe fast asleep in the bed. “We can’t do this here,” he whispered.

“My room.” Jared sounded hopeful.

“Ok,” said Jensen and Jared smiled, really smiled for the first time in, what seemed like, decades.

****

Jared turned the bedside light on and lay back on the bed. Jensen watched him through hooded eyes, his mouth dry, his jeans tight.

“I’ve never done this with a man,” he said, hoarsely.

“I’ve never done this with anybody,” Jared murmured and Jensen stared at him, his throat closing.

There was silence for a moment and utter stillness before Jared yanked his t-shirt off over his head and threw it onto the floor. He then undid his belt and pulled down worn denim and boxers so that he was naked, his body illuminated by the dim light, his eyes closed.

Jensen waited for the feelings of guilt; here they were in his mentor’s house, his mentor who was dying. Jared belonged to someone else, Jared was his ‘little brother’, and had always been his responsibility.

The feelings never came and he could only stand and stare at the gorgeous sight in front of him, at the flat belly, the muscular abs, the thick biceps and long, slim legs. Jared was proportionate, his cock hard against his stomach, hard and leaking and oh so beautiful.

Jared was no longer a boy. He had grown up into a wonderful man and Jensen couldn’t turn him away again. Wouldn’t.

He knelt by the bed and put his hand on Jared’s chest, feeling his heart beating fast and hard. He rubbed at the tiny nubs on Jared’s abs, feeling the nipples harden, hearing Jared groan, feeling him buck into Jensen’s touch.

“Please,” Jared said and Jensen took pity on him, his hand coming down to wrap around Jared’s erection, stroking it almost reverently, his own body shaking with arousal, his cock leaking in his pants.

“You are perfect,” Jensen whispered as he brought his mouth down on Jared’s, feeling the younger man’s lips part, feeling their tongues tangling together.

Finally, Jared broke the kiss. He was breathless and bucking into Jensen’s hand, his whole body shuddering, his eyes tightly closed his mouth against Jensen’s neck.

“You...you have taught me everything,” he moaned. “It is only fitting you should teach me this.”

“Yeah.” Jensen felt hot tears sting his lashes and he kissed Jared again, harder and more passionately, trying, with that one gesture, to show Jared just how much he loved him. “I’m only sorry I kept you waiting so long. Only sorry that I left you. Only sorry that we kept missing each other and it was all my fault.”

“Fuck me,” Jared murmured and he pulled Jensen’s hand down so that his fingers played gently against Jared’s virgin entrance. “I want you inside me, Jensen.”

Jensen pulled off his own clothes; finding lotion in Jared’s draw he liberally lubed his cock and Jared’s ass, hardly able to breathe as he thrust one finger inside the warmth and tightness, his tears splashing onto Jared’s hot skin.

Then he was inside of Jared and they were moving together and it was perfect. Jensen held Jared closer, Jared hugging his thighs around Jensen’s slender hips. Jared was moaning now, bucking and squeezing Jensen closer.

“I love you,” he panted. “I have always loved you. Loved you since that first moment. From the moment you gave me that stupid truck. God. God, I love you.”

“I love you too,” said Jensen and he held Jared as he came, all those wasted years washed away in the tide of their passion.

Afterwards they lay in each others arms and Jared nipped at Jensen’s neck, his voice tender.

“I guess you can’t be my big brother anymore,” he said and Jensen laughed, long and hard, happier than he had ever thought possible.

Nothing could part them now.


	9. Chapter 9

Jared lay in Jensen’s arms, stunned and bright eyes on Jensen’s face, the love in his eyes obvious.

“That was…,” he tailed off, unable to think of the words and settled for stroking Jensen’s chest instead, long fingers leaving a trail of fire down Jensen’s body.

“Worth waiting for?” Jensen laughed gently and Jared nodded, snuggling closer.

They lay in silence for a moment and then Jensen spoke again, his fingers tangling in Jared’s dark hair.

“I’m only sorry about Tom,” he said. “I guess he will be devastated.”

He felt Jared tense in his arms but as the younger man looked up his eyes showed no real guilt and his face was flushed; red across his high cheekbones.

“There is no Tom,” he whispered, his mouth against Jensen’s throat. “I made him up.”

“Why?” Jensen’s heart lifted and he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Why would you do that?”

“I...when you got married I felt so lonely. So lost. Over the next few years I dated, girls and boys, I was confused you know? But I really, really only wanted you and...and Father Jeff worried. Worried that I wouldn’t be able to cope if you never came home. So, I made up Tom. I guess Father Jeff must have wondered why I didn’t bring him home b-but I never really told him much.” Jared rubbed his face, embarrassed. “I love you Jensen and I never thought we would have this.”

“You idiot!” Jensen felt tears sting his lashes and he bent down to kiss Jared on the mouth, holding him, impossibly, closer, his heart warm in his chest.

“You are staying right?” Jared sounded frightened and Jensen could understand why.

“Yeah,” he said, knowing that this was always where he belonged. “I’m staying.”

****

Father Jeff was propped up in bed looking better, cheeks ruddy, a smile beneath the gray beard.

“I am so glad you decided to stay Jensen.” He reached out and patted Gabe on the head. “It will be nice to have a lively young boy around the place again.” he leaned forward, his voice low, “And I know that Jared is happy, although it is a shame he couldn’t take that basketball offer. He is a great player and deserves something like that.”

“He wants to stay with you.” Jensen could feel the idea building in his head and he was pretty sure that Jared wouldn’t like it but Father Jeff was right, Jared did deserve the opportunity. God knows he had had precious few.

He smiled then and took Father Jeff’s hand, squeezing it hard and tight.

“I think I have the answer,” he said and Father Jeff grinned.

****

“Absolutely not.” Jared looked angry and Jensen should have known known he would react like this. “We have just found each other again, I’m not leaving you.”

“It would only be for a while Jared.” Jensen’s voice was gentle. “But we both want you to take the offer. Please. You are a great player, Jared and you are too good to waste yourself here. I can take care of Father Jeff and it will give Gabe a stable environment, you can come and visit between seasons and...and we can take it slowly right? You and me and when the time comes, we can...we can be together for always.”

“Jensen....” Jared’s voice was tight and Jensen could see both tears and hope in those beautiful eyes.

“This time it would be you who was doing the leaving Jared but this time it wouldn't be for the good.” Jensen pulled Jared into a hug and held on, the pain in his chest intense but the warmth in his heart chasing it away.

“We’re good right?” Jared asked, holding Jensen close.

“More than good, Jared.” Jensen went with the hug, sure he was doing the right thing. “We are awesome.”

****

September 2007

Father Jeff sat in his wheelchair, oxygen pumped into the mask he wore over his face. He looked so thin he was almost skin and bone and Jensen felt a stab of concern, wondering if it had been wise to bring Father Jeff here, particularly as he was so sick.

However the priest was smiling beneath the mask, his hands folded on his knees, his eyes bright in his pale face. His gaze was fixed, with pride, on the court and Jensen couldn’t help but smile himself, despite his concern.

This was one of the biggest games in USA’s history and Jared had made the team.

America was playing Argentina in the FIBA Americas Championship and they were marching to victory. The arena in Las Vegas was filled to bursting but Jensen, Gabe and Father Jeff had VIP tickets and Jensen was almost beside himself with love and pride for his ‘little brother’, his best friend, his lover.  
Jared looked magnificent in the white and blue vest and shorts, long legs pounding across the court as he leaped into the air and scored a basket.

Flashbulbs illuminated the night and the other players hugged Jared briefly before the game resumed. This team had already made the 2008 Olympics in China and Jensen knew now that his decision to stay with Father Jeff had been the right one, even though he had missed Jared like crazy.

Jared had excelled as part of the Houston Rockets and had been picked for the national team almost immediately. His long limbs and easy athleticism had made him a must, even though, at 6ft 5 inches, he was one of the smallest members of the team!

Finally, the whistle blew and the crowd went wild. Jensen stood and cheered along with the others. Gabe almost beside himself with excitement hugging the autographed basketball Jared had given him earlier and jumping up and down as if he, himself, was playing.

“Hey.” Suddenly Jared was by his side, sweaty and red-faced, his face broken by a wide smile, his hair tucked behind his ears making him look oddly young and vulnerable.

“Hey.” Jensen put a gentle hand on his wrist. They couldn’t hug or kiss, not in this public arena. Jared was a national hero now and it wouldn’t do for him to come out so publicly. “You were pretty awesome out there.”

Jared beamed and he licked his lips, his eyes giving out messages that Jensen couldn’t help but understand.

“Just need to take a shower and do all those boring press things,” he said. “Then maybe we can go back to your hotel and get in some celebratory pizza."

“Me too,” Gabe pleaded and Jared grinned.

“You too and....” He bent down and pressed a loving kiss on Father Jeff’s forehead. “Father Jeff, if you are up to it.”

The old priest lifted his mask for a moment, gasping for breath.

“It would be a pleasure,” he said.

****

Gabe was crashed out on the bed and Father Jeff fast asleep in his own room. Jared took Jensen’s hand and led him to his suite, excitement making them almost light-headed.

“I’ve missed you.” Jensen dropped a kiss on Jared’s neck, pulling at his jacket and thrusting questing fingers down his jeans, clasping bare skin and moaning, rubbing his erection against Jared’s, his intentions clear.

“God, I’ve missed you too.” Jared tugged down his jeans and Jensen gasped as he saw that Jared was going commando, his cock already leaking.

“What do you want baby?” Jensen asked, softly and Jared grinned at him, all white teeth and dimples.

“I want you to fuck me,” he gasped and Jensen gave his own grin, eager and predatory.

“I think that can be arranged,” he said.

****

December 2007

The graveyard was bleak and freezing cold. Jensen huddled into his black overcoat and hugged a weeping Gabe close to him. Beside him, Chad was weeping openly, his pregnant wife by his side. Jensen had not seen Chad for years and he couldn’t believe how the rat-faced boy who had tried to steal his car had grown into a corporate lawyer and a faithful husband. He put a hand on Chad’s arm and the young man gave him a watery smile, his eyes going back to the oak coffin as it was lowered into the grave.

On the other side of Jensen, Jared stood, long hair obscuring his face. Jared wore a black suit and a woolen gray coat and Jensen wanted to hold him so badly it hurt.

Father Jeff had, finally, succumbed to the disease that had riddled his body. His last gesture had been to hand Jensen an envelope that contained his will and Jensen had opened it, his eyes stinging as he saw what the document contained.

The house and its furnishings had been left to Jared, Chad and Jensen jointly. A fair amount of money had been placed in a trust fund for Gabe and the rest had been left to charity. Father Jeff’s one request is that the summer camps would still be run and that those underprivileged boys who had no home or family would be cared for.

Jensen blinked and wiped away another tear. He had cared for Father Jeff for so long that he felt as if there were a hole in his life. He hugged Gabe closer and let the sobbing boy bury his head in his coat.

Jensen wondered what he was going to do now.

****

Jared sat next to Jensen on the sofa. The guests had gone and Gabe sat on his father’s lap, thumb in mouth, eyes drooping. Chad and his wife were in the guest room and the house was deadly silent.

“What now?” Jensen said and Jared turned to him and smiled.

“Now, now I stay here with you.” Jared’s voice was firm. “There won’t be any more leaving Jensen. I swear to you.”

“What about the Olympics?” Jensen said, softly. “And your career?”

“I’ve done what I wanted to do,” Jared said. “I’m happy with that, Jensen and I don’t need anymore trophies, don’t need anymore acclaim. What I need is you. You and Gabe and that is what I intend to have.”

Jensen swallowed and let his head rest on Jared’s broad shoulder, his sadness over Father Jeff’s death warring with his happiness at Jared’s return.

“Are you sure that is what you want?” Jensen asked, finally and Jared leaned over and kissed him, warm and soft and with gentle passion.

“Never been surer, Big Brother,” he whispered and Jensen fell into the kiss, his heart soaring.


	10. Chapter 10

July 2009

The camp looked a little run down, the cabins in need of a coat of paint, some of the roofs full of holes.

The grass was overgrown and the dining area smelt of mold and stale food. Jensen clutched Gabe’s hand and sighed.

“It isn’t quite how I remembered it,” he said, sadly. “The kids will be coming out here in a few weeks, how can we have it ready by then?”

“Chad will help and Jared.” Gabe grinned the hopeful and trusting grin of a child and Jensen hugged him against his chest. “Jared can do the roofs,” Gabe continued, “he is tall enough.”

Jensen laughed; Gabe idolized Jared and Jensen knew he was secretly proud that his daddy had such an influential ‘friend’.

****

Despite Jared’s firm declaration that he had not wanted to leave Jensen again, Jensen could not just stand by and watch Jared throw away his career. Eventually, after a lot of persuading, Jensen had encouraged Jared to go back to his team and, a few days later, Jensen and Gabe had followed.

The three of them had found a nice apartment in the suburbs and had settled into a rather domesticated life. They had decided to keep Father Jeff’s house and had rented it out, sharing the profits between themselves and Chad. Chad’s wife had presented him with a beautiful baby girl and Chad was happy enough to let Jensen deal with their affairs, too busy and too blissfully happy to care much what happened.

Jared continued to play basketball and continued to be a huge success. He and his team had gone to the Olympics and had won the Gold medal. Jensen had never felt so fulfilled in his life when he watched his partner, his lover, his ‘little brother’ standing on the podium to receive his own, individual medal. Jared had looked so handsome, so happy and Jensen knew, even though they were thousands of miles apart that Jared’s smile was just for him.

Jared became a household name and began to earn money for modeling and sponsorship but Jensen kept him grounded. Jared never forgot where he came from or what Father Jeff had done for him. Jared used some of his money to start up a charitable foundation for poorer children to play sports and Jensen was there when Jared cut the ribbon and the sports facility that had been built specially was finally opened.

After that they were inseparable and, finally, in the summer of 2009 they went back to the summer camp where they had first met, determined to keep up the tradition that Father Jeff had started all those years ago.

 

Jensen had recruited his old friends, Misha, Steve and even Chad. Jared had bought several members of his team down to help too and between them they began to work on the camp wanting it to be perfect for its new visitors.

They worked hard, sometimes up to twelve hours a day and, finally, the camp was ready for visitors. Jensen and Jared sat in the dining room having one last cup of coffee, Gabe twitching with excitement as they waited for the bus to arrive.

The kids who got off the bus were a mixed bunch. Some of them were lively and excited, some were quiet and shy. Jensen noticed a tall, gangly youth to the back of the crowd, his face sullen, his body slumped forward, shoulder’s hunched. Jared pointed to the boy and smiled, a big hand coming to wrap around Jensen’s waist, mouth soft against Jensen’s ear.

“Remind you of anyone?”

Jensen felt goose bumps across his arms and neck.

“Yeah,” he replied with a grin, “looks familiar.”

****

They stood in the dining hall, the boys shuffling and muttering among themselves, excitement in the air as they spotted Jared, some of them so overawed they couldn’t speak, nudging and whispering, as they realised that Jared was here for them.

“Welcome to the camp,” Jensen said, “it was set up by a friend of mine and I can guarantee that you will all have a great time here.” Most of the boys cheered, but Jensen noticed the gangly youth standing, deliberately, silent at the back, arms crossed and face expressionless. Jensen shook his head and continued.

“Now it is time for you to meet your big brothers, they will help mentor and support you during camp, and believe me, it can be a great way to make life-long friends.” He glanced across at Jared and was overwhelmed by the love he saw in the younger man’s eyes. Jared was glowing and Jensen could only stare at him, unable to believe how lucky he had been to find his ‘little brother’ again.

The boys began to pair up with their mentors and Jensen knew he was keeping the best till last. He gave Jared a little prod and a wink and Jared grinned, understanding just what Jensen was hinting at.

Jared took a deep breath and walked over to where the sullen boy stood, slumped and limp, he barely glanced up at Jared as he made his way over.

“See that guy,” the boy next to him whispered, “that is...that is Jared Padalecki, the basketball star, imagine he is gonna be someone’s big brother. Awesome.”

Jared saw the sullen youth look up at him then and he grinned, bending down so that he was on the same level as the other boy, his big hands coming out to grasp him by the shoulder.

“Hey,” he said, “my name is Jared and I’m going to be your big brother.”

****

Jared lay in Jensen’s arms, his head on Jensen’s chest, his body sated and warm, sticky and wet, after another enthusiastic bout of love making.

They had their own room and their own privacy. It was all they had asked for and the others had gladly given it to them. Gabe was sleeping with the other boys and was as enthusiastic about the camp as his daddy was. Jensen was proud of his son, glad that he was happy and glad that they had all found such contentment in each other.

Jared shifted for a moment and nipped at Jensen’s neck.

“Do you think I’m gonna have trouble with my ‘little brother’?” He asked.

“He looks pretty mean,” Jensen yawned, “I had a little brother like that once. God he gave me some problems.”

Jared laughed then and rolled over, reaching under the bed and pulling something out.

Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and he felt foolish tears sting his lashes as he saw the battered old truck in Jared’s hands.

“This was the first thing I had ever been given,” Jared whispered, “when you gave me this truck you gave me hope at the same time. I love you Jensen. I have so much to thank you for.”

“Jared…,” Jensen began but he couldn’t continue, his throat thick with emotion.

“Would you mind...,” Jared asked, slowly “...if I gave this to my new ‘little brother’? Maybe...maybe it will help him too.”

Jensen sighed, happily and pulled Jared back into his arms.

“Do you like being a big brother?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Jared nodded and he leaned over to turn out the light. “But I have a lot to live up to. Guess there will never be another big brother as good as mine.”

Jensen smiled into the dark and hugged Jared closer.

“Raft building tomorrow,” he said and Jared laughed his way into sleep.

The End


End file.
